A woman trying to get rid of a man who won't stop trying to talk to her.



Woman: Man are your teeth cold?


Man: No,why?

Woman: I was just wondering why you have that yellow blanket across your teeth.

Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.

The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.

Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?"

The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate."

"Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says.

The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.

The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.

"I'll take him," he says.

When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way." Harold says, "But this dog knows karate."

"Karate," she yells. "Karate my ass!"

Ut Oh! LOL!!!

Redneck Computer Dictionary
This here is the Redneck Guide to Computer Lingo.

Log on
Makin the woodstove hotter

Log off
Don't add no more wood

Monitor
Keepin an eye on that there woodstove

Download
Gettin the farwood ofn the truk

Megahertz
When yer not keerful gettin that farwood downloaded

Floppy disk
Whar cha git from tryin to carry too much farwood

RAM
That thar thang whut splits th farwood

ROM
Whut tastes grait when ya mix it with Coca-cola

Hard drive
Tryin to climb a steep hill in th winter taim

Prompt
Whut th mail ain't in th winter taim

Windows
Whut to shut when its cold outside

Screen
Whut to shut when its blak fly season

Bit
A wager, as in "I bit you cain't spit that watermelon seed across th porch longways"

Byte
Whut them dang flys do

Chip
Munchies fer th TV

Microchip
Whuts left in th munchie bag

Cursor
Wharcha do when yer mad at yer sister

Infrared
Whur th left over munchies go, Fred eats em

Modem
Wharcha did to the hay fields

Dot matrix
Ol Dan Matrix's wife

Laptop
Whur th kitty sleeps

Keyboard
Whur ya hang th dang keys

Hardware
Sunday clothes

Software
Them dang plastik forks and knifs

Mouse
Whut eats th grain in th barn

Mainframe
Holds up th barn ruf

Port
Fancy Flatlander Wine

Enter
Northern fer c'mon in y'all

Random access memory
When ya caint member whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.

Network
How ya git the fish in th boat after ya hook it

LAN
To borrow, as in "Hey Delbert, LAN me yore truck!"

Packet
Wharcha do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag afore a trip

Reboot
Wharcha do when yer first pair a boots gits all muddy

Top Ten things men know about women

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